Chủ Nhật, 19 tháng 6, 2011

Sunday Sweets For My Dad

We all know dads' tastes are just as diverse as, well, non-dads, so when it came time to choose today's Sweets I decided to hone in on one specific dad: mine.



So, here 'tis: Father's Day Sweets for my dad, Jim Yates. But the rest of you can feel free to look, too. :)



Hey, Dad, remember that time the neighbor's little boy snuck in to our house, grabbed your guitar, and dragged it down the sidewalk? Ah, good times.

Also, I don't think your guitar looked quite this cool:

Submitted by Kathy H. and made by her sister, Carol V.


And remember how you'd take me for rides on your motorcycle? The turns always scared me, but I loved having my very own kid-sized helmet, and the thrill of climbing into the seat behind you, hanging on for dear life, and thinking maybe my parents weren't quite so embarrassing, after all.

Although, come to think of it, your motorcycle wasn't this cool, either:

Submitted by Tifany D., made by Charm City Cakes


It's possible you've blocked this from memory, but you really did teach me to drive. In our ancient green Toyota pickup, no less, with a floor stick shift.

By CakeDesigns

Our truck was DEFINITELY not this cool.


It took me years to figure out what you did for a living. All I knew was you worked at a big, intimidating office/factory and you wore a suit every day. (Btw, you're, uh, some kind of project manager/engineer type, right?) I still remember the first time you asked me if your tie went with your shirt; it made me feel so important, that you'd ask for my opinion. Actually, I still feel that way, any time you ask.



And for the record: that tie + that shirt = perfect.

Remember when I came home crying because all the kids were making flashy, expensive models for a school project, and I didn't have anything flashy OR expensive? You sat me down and asked me what I'd like to do. Then we went to Skycraft Surplus (remember that?). In the end, I couldn't have been more proud: my project board's little Styrofoam car had real working headlights!


To this day, I clearly remember "The Sociological Impact of the Lightbulb" - because my Dad helped me build it.

Remember Starbuck and Midnight, our pet miniature goats? We must have been the only family in an Orlando subdivision with two goats bleating in the backyard. I still can't believe you bought them for us. Heh.

Submitted by Amelia B. and made by Kick Ass Kakes

(Bet you were expecting a goat cake, huh?)


You were forever doing home projects, and I loved weekends when you'd ask, "Shorty, want to go to the Home o' de Pot?"

By justcakinmytime

We'd pile into our old green pickup, and you'd sing "Greasy Grimey Gopher Guts" and "On Top of Old Smokey" along the way. Thanks to you I still love the smell of sawdust and grease that hits me every time I walk into our local Home Depot - and today I rock my own tool belt.



One night I peeked into the living room to see what you and Mom were laughing about, and there on the TV was a curly-headed man in a long scarf bouncing into a blue police box.


Soon we were all watching together, just like we watched Star Trek and Night Court and Monty Python together. The next year you brought us to my very first convention - a Doctor Who convention.

(I like to think my geeky lineage came full circle when John and I brought you and Mom to Dragon*Con last year - thus starting a yearly tradition, perhaps?)


When we were little, you seemed to take sadistic glee in waking Ben and me with loud jazz music, water, or banging suddenly on our bedroom doors - but I'll never forget the time you woke us with "Who wants to go to Disney World?!"

Sub'd by Stacey R., made by nice icing


You never set limits on my future, Dad. When I wrote lousy poetry, you submitted your favorite to a national magazine - and you were more disappointed than I was when it wasn't printed. When I thought I wanted to be a professional clown, you got brochures for Ringling College. When I first introduced you to John, you asked if we'd set a date yet.

You taught me to pursue my dreams, marry only for love, and to always finish my Brussels sprouts.

Hey, two out of three ain't bad, right?

So thanks, Dad. Happy Father's Day.

(Oh, and see you at Dragon*Con.)


Happy Father's Day to the rest of you dads out there, too! May all your children grow up to make you proud - when they're not publicly embarrassing you on the Internet, of course.

Thứ Bảy, 18 tháng 6, 2011

A "Big" Contender

It appears we have a last-minute entry for Father's Day Pictionary!

"Enjoy."


Admit it, Adam L: you see Cthulhu wearing Mickey Mouse ears in a spider cocoon, too.

Thứ Sáu, 17 tháng 6, 2011

When "Falker Satherhood" Is Just Too Wordy

So, how do you tell your dad how much you appreciate him this Sunday?

Well, hopefully not like this:

"Fatters Day is kind of like Father's Day, only for fatties. So - and think carefully before you answer this - would you like a slice of cake, Dad?"



The moral here is if you add enough shredded coconut, no one will notice you wrote "Happy Fathday's Day."


Of course, if you do write it wrong, the good news is you can always fix it:

*sigh*


Oh, hey! If your father's dad is named George, then this next one almost makes sense!

What? I said "almost."


Now, brace yourself for my famous Goldmember impression in 3..2..


"My farza is toit loyk uh toyger! Schmoke and a pancake?"

[bowing] Thank you. Thank you very much.


Or, if you want to take it one step "ferther":

Ah, how I yearn for the day when I'll have a title* worthy of all-cap block letters.

"How are you, HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON?"

"Fine, thanks."


"Gerald, have you met HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON? She's quite snarky, you know."

"Yes, yes, I've known HER SUPREME CAKEY SNARK PERSON for years!"


Ok, so the actual title needs work, but I rather like it. Especially since it would give the impression that everyone talking about me has Tourette's.


Thanks to Anony M., Brenda Jo, Jessica I., Kristen R., Kristina, & Toni S. who ARE ALL AWESOME PEOPLE.

*Update from john: As far as we can tell, this cake was not made for a Haitian dictator.

Thứ Năm, 16 tháng 6, 2011

Ties That Bind

Ah, neck ties. Those glorious, generic "Dad" gifts that men have enjoyed - nay, cherished! - since the invention of clothing. After all, what can make you feel more alive than a silk noose around your neck signifying lifelong membership in the greater corporate collective? Hmmm?

And, naturally, when it comes to getting dad a cake on his special day, bakers sure know how to please:

They, uh, also appear to have a rather low opinion of dads' fashion sense.


Or maybe they've read that a lot of men are at least partially colorblind, and decided Dad wouldn't notice:

I'm calling it: yellow and beige is the most disgusting color combination known to man.


Or maybe they think we were all raised in the circus.

"To Dad, Our Favorite Bozo."


Hey, remember that time Dad said his new tie from Aunt Edna looked like crap?

Well, they've got a cake for that, too!

The sprinkles really sell it.


Of course, then there are the bakers who've never actually seen a tie...

...but wouldn't think of letting that stop them.


But my friends, it doesn't have to be this way.

Just say "no" to tie cakes! Say "no" to boring clichés! Instead, go with creativity! Go with quality! Go with...

...a flaming Quidditch Snitch riding a unicycle on a tank top cake!

Yeah.

You're welcome, fathers everywhere.



Many tanks to Anne J., Luli M., Vanessa B., Denise M., Zoe I., & Becky T. for getting all tied up on our behalf. [mrowr]

Oh, and a belated "epi briday" to Dorothy "big deal" M. Nappy blob blob, Dor!

Thứ Tư, 15 tháng 6, 2011

Father's Day Pictionary

Looking for a fun bonding experience with Dad this weekend? Then how about a little cake Pictionary? It's easy! Here, I'll get you started.



Is this:



A) A sofa

B) A ball cap

or

C) Worth $3.99


The answer, of course, is D.

See? Easy!



Ok, your turn.

Is this:



A) An exploding cup of hot chocolate

B) A golf bag

or

C) An appropriate use of an ellipsis


("Aaand the results are in! Happy Father's Day... Bobby! That means Carlos, Jimmy, Leon, Billy, Brad and Tony are NOT the fathers!"


"NO! It ain't true! AAAH LUUUUUV YEEEEEW, JIMMEH!!")



Ahem.

Okay, now here's a tough one. Prepare for multiple multiple choices!


Is this:

A) A chubby bearded pirate with a missing foot sitting on a stack of marshmallows


B) Santa's love handles

C) The Hamburgler, turned inside out


D) Pretty much anything except a grill

or

E) Still more appetizing than this:



Ok, so maybe that wasn't so hard, after all.




Thanks to Sarah J., Amnesty, Kimberly M., & Rachel M. for playing!




ANSWER KEY:

Please tell me in the comments, because I have no friggin' idea.

Thank you.

Thứ Ba, 14 tháng 6, 2011

Dad's Birthday Presents

Father's Day is this weekend, so today I thought we'd celebrate the most important thing our dads ever gave us:


Balloons.


Yep, nothing livened up our childhoods quite like Dad's special birthday balloons, am I right?

And, sure, they weren't always perfect. Sometimes they were a bit small:


Or a bit big:


Or even shaped a bit wonky:


Sometimes they'd get lost on their way to the party:


Or they weren't durable enough to last once they got there:



Sometimes dad's balloons didn't seem to know if they were coming or going!


But the important thing to remember is that, in the end, dads' balloons always got the job done.

Score three for Dad!



Thanks to Kathleen, Jess, Jamie, Pontmarie, Pat S., Denise C., Kevin C., & Julie C. for the beautiful "balloons."

Thứ Hai, 13 tháng 6, 2011

Wreck-A-Bye Baby

Sometimes I like to think this blog might have a positive influence on current baking trends. (Oh, stop laughing. A girl can dream.) So, what do you say we mosey on over to a few of our nation's baby showers and see how things are going?


Wonderful!

I mean, sure, "beby" is misspelled, and there's a giant funky headboard thing happening, and the doll is staring at me all creepy-like, but the baby itself is not edible. That's progress, people!


Hey, a lot of those letters are right.

In fact - and feel free to correct me here if I'm wrong - I think "cohgrautions" may be the Canadian spelling.


You might be wondering how many tracts of land they had to search to find these two peas in a pod, or why the baker didn't make the "peas" green. That said, it's not a pregnant torso cake.

Plus it makes me want to start singing "Keep Walking" by the French Peas, so that's a "win" all 'round.


This next one may cause a bit of a flap, but I'll have no truck with such negativity:

After all, nothing drives home the beauty of motherhood quite like a pregnant mudflap girl. Eh? Eh? Am I right?


Well, my friends, I think I've made my point: baby shower cakes are getting better! And all because of me! ME, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!

AHAHAHAAAHAA!!

BAHAHAHAA...

...huh?


AAAAAUUUGGHH!!


[blink blink]

Well.

Back to business as usual, then?



Thanks to Sose K., Krista M., Susan M., Bob S., & Carly A. for dashing my dreams. You cruel, cruel wreckporters, you.