Wrecks of Plenty

According to Wikipedia, the cornucopia - or "horn of plenty" - is typically a hollow, horn-shaped wicker basket filled with various kinds of festive fruit and vegetables.

According to Wreckerators, this is a cornucopia:

Where "festive fruit and vegetables" = "neon holographic plastic flotsam bits."


And this:

"Is that a vomiting tornado in your cart, or are you just sorry to see me?"

I refuse to believe this next one is anything other than a pile of tiny Wizard hats:

How many tiny Gandalfs had to die for this cookie cornucopia cake, huh? HOW MANY??

Fortunately, some of you knew better than to order a cornucopia cake. You ordered one of these lovely turkey ice cream cakes, instead:

So at least you have that to look forward to.

Heh. Aheh.

[keep scrolling]

Heh.

Oh, I'm sorry, do you still have an appetite? Here, let me help you with that:

Just think, "Charred and slimey." Thaaat oughta do it.

So in conclusion, tomorrow, remember to:

"Goble Goble,"

and:

But only one. Times are tough these days.

A very special "thank" to Diana T., Pam M., Sarah H., Tracy B., Sarah B., Linda S., & Emily G. (You guys will have to share.)

Totally Stuffed

Alright, turkeys, ya fat blobs of fowl: ASSUME THE POSITION!

No, no, you're all too stiff! Look alive, now - get those legs out! Spread eagle!

Good, now, hold it - hooold it...

Aaaaand...breathe.

Good work.

Well, except for you, Tom:

Seriously, Tom, we have got to work on those legs.


Ok, now that we're all warmed up, let's get right to today's topic: "purging" your "stuffing."

My friends, this is not the answer.

Neither are explosive clean-outs:

Look, we all know these displays are distasteful, so let's stop the cycle of shame!

And take heart from the example of our own Admiral Ackbar, a former stuffing purger, who went from this:

To this:

(He assures us it's an improvement.)

Thanks to Libbie M., Beth G., Stevi A., Maida S., Gina B., Corie I., & Rebecca, who are convinced the Ackbar turkey is a trap.

It's About Standards

Warning: Juvenile ding-a-ling humor ahead.

A long time ago, I (this is John, btw) brought a picture of the famous sexual harassment cake to our local bakery, to see if the Nice Older Ladies there would recreate it for a party.

The encounter went something like this:

Me: [handing over picture] "Hi there! I was wondering if you could make a cake like this for me."

Nice Older Lady: [looking at picture] "Uh..." [gasping in horror] [looking at me as though I was a dirty, demon-possessed pervert] "No."

Me: [embarrassed] "Oh, well, the cake is saying that kind of behavior is bad. See, that's what the big 'NO' sign means." [smiling innocently]

Nice Older Lady: [flagging down Nice Older Manager Lady]

Nice Older Manager Lady: [looking at picture] [calling security] [writing down my physical description in a big red book] [smiling thinly] "I'm sorry, sir. We don't put smut on cakes."


So, sure, that was embarrassing, and now I can't shop for croissants without being shadowed by Billy the stock boy, but the good news is that bakeries have a line, and one that will not be crossed. Which is a relief, because otherwise these cakes might have had me worried.

Bazinga.

Fortunately there's nothing suggestive about balls or bases or long wooden...

Oh.

Wait.

It's a basketball court.

Riiiiiight.

Oh what a tangled web we weave,

When first we...

Spidey! Stop that!

Didn't your parents ever tell you you'll go blind?

Now this is some crotch rocket:

Looks like it'll be flying under a full moon, too. [bah dum cha!]

Thanks Elisabeth M., Anony M., Laura E., Josef V., & Bethany P. Oh, and hey, could you pick me up some croissants?

Sunday Sweets: Potter Mania

Whether you're seeing the movie this weekend or not, I think you'll agree that these Harry Potter cakes are sweet enough to rival anything in HoneyDuke's:

Made by Bakingdom

D'awww. Lookit the little broom! And Fawkes! And the itty-bitty potion bottles!!

Ahem.

Sorry.


Next check out this nifty design:

Submitted by Kristin A. & made by Cake Nouveau

I love the tie. And the snitch. And the turrets. And the...oh, you get the idea.


Here's an adorable cartoon-y version from all the way over in China:

Found at DIY Cakes in Beijing

Love it!


And this one is the spitting image of young Daniel Radcliffe:

Made by Scrumptious Cakes and Bakes


This was the cake at a faaaabulous Potter-themed birthday party:

Submitted by Rory L., found here (click to see the adorable HP party pics!) & made by Shelby Lynn's Cake Shoppe

Check out the sculpted marzipan on this one:

By Dutch Cakebox

So perfect!

And finally, I have a special affection for the Monster Book of Monsters:

By Cake Central member mbpbrighteyes

Although really everything here is amazing. Just look at that wand! And the wings on the snitch! Even the little bag of coins is made of two cupcakes, wrapped in fondant. Wowza.

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

The Wrecks Which Shall Not Be Named

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who know Harry Potter 7 is opening this weekend, and those who couldn't give a flying wrackspurt.

Now, since John is a HUGE Potter geek (and I'm only a regular-sized one), it makes sense for him to write today's Potter post. However, to make today's commentary enjoyable for all our readers, I, Jen, will be providing muggle-friendly translations.

Take it away, John!

Wow. I'd say I'm too proud to let this Wreckerator take me for a ride with this wreck, but that might seem...hippogriffical.

Heh. Aheh. Heh.

TRANSLATION: A "hippogriff" is half horse, half eagle. Kind of like this cake is half airbrush, half blobby bits, and half cardboard. Also, I stink at math. But that's not part of the translation.

What's that, John? Hurry up? Oh. Ok. I'm done. Carry on.

Professor Flitwick was not amused.

TRANSLATION: Short joke.

Cor! Has Professor Trelawney been foreseeing something GRIM here? [chortle]

TRANSLATION: See, Trelawney sometimes has the gift, which is the ability to prophesy, and there's this legendary creature called The Grim, and...uh..

[blinking]

It's a fortune teller joke.

Moving on.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give this wreck a 9 3/4.

Bwahahaha!!

TRANSLATION: Fractions are [jazz hands] maaaagical.

[whispering]

No, that was not me being sarcastic. You wanna see me being sarcastic? Ask me how I like your flip-flops.

[more whispering]

Well, where *do* you want to have this conversation? Because seriously: we need to talk about those flip-flops.

"What has it got in its pocketses!?!"

Well, it's either a green donut on a wand, or he's REALLY happy to see you.

TRANSLATION: Unnecessary. (I hope.)

Here we have a classic case of "Abracadabra" vs "Avada Kedavra:"

TRANSLATION: Muggle magic is to top hats and rabbits what wizard magic is to blowing your roof off. Word.

And finally....

[stunned silence]

TRANSLATION: That was a stunned silence.

Elizabeth C., Kala M., Holly E., Audrey B., Becca T., Rebecca J., here's hoping these wrecks were magically delicious!

Engaging Wrecks

Impending nuptials are a great cause for cakey celebration. Much like the word "nuptials." (Am I the only one who thinks "nuptials" sounds kinda funny? Nuptials. NUPtials. NupTIals. NUPTIALS.)

At least this Wreckerator knows how to work the word in all smooth-like:


At first I thought that said, "Our Nuptial Hovr Draur on A pace." Then I realized it's supposed to say, "Our Nuptial Hour Draws on Apace." Which is a line from Shakespeare, so out of respect for all my English teacher friends, I won't make fun of it. Even if it IS said to someone named (I am not making this up) "Hippolyta."

ANYway.... the real problem is the line is just too old-fashioned. Remember, yesterday's "nuptial hour draws on apace," is today's "Cong's!"

See? It's a "you say tomato, I say tomato" kind of thing.

Wait. I just realized that saying doesn't work in writing.

Ok, potato, potato.

(Dang it!)

Look, the important thing is that your sentiment be truly heartfelt:

And that you use your clichéd clip art judiciously:

"Dang it. I ran out of room before I could use the champagne flutes surrounded by streamers!"

And most importantly, never complain about foot ailments while ordering:

[giggle]

Thanks to Wreckporters Carrie C., Ang H., Connie P., Lis, & Dana, who know that, when in doubt, you spell it in all caps.


STUFF UPDATE: Due to popular demand, we now have pins for sale! We're still in a trial run, so be sure to tell me which styles you like, which you'd like to see changed or nixed, and which you'd like to see us make in the future!

Turkey Terror

GUYS! Do you know what time it is?

"Uh...lemme guess.

"Is it...

"National Imitation Crab Month?"

No.

"Whirlpool Awareness Week?"

No.

"Oh! Is it football season?"

Close, but no. Here, I'll give you my "breast" hint:

Soon, you may be feeling a bit...STUFFED.

[gasp] "No...it isn't! It's..."

"Turkey Cake Time! AAAAAAAA...

AAAAAAAAA...


*gasp, gasp, gasp*


AAAAAAAAAAAA...

...AAAAAEEEIII!!

Thanks to Barbra G., Tamara O., Kati K., Carol G., Anna S., Jen, Amanda S., Meghann P., & Kristine C., who think these fowl cakes are really for the birds.