A Little Too Much Ginger, Perhaps

Some people collect stamps, or art cards, or limited edition laser-etched Animaniac propeller beanies*.

I collect photos of ridiculously decorated gingerbread men.


* Actually I'm just hoping this is true, because I'd love to see one.


I started when I realized a lot of bakeries sell gingerbread cookies year-round, and so try to decorate them to go with all the different holidays. Which gets, shall we say, a little silly:

Get me an old priest and a young priest...

Oh, and a glass of milk.

I'd look alarmed, too, if someone stole my torso and left my bloody limbs scattered around. [shudder]

And a personal favorite:

The guy on the right looks like he just had an alien chest-burster episode, only with a giant leprechaun.

Which, you must admit, is kind of awesome.


No, Mr. Scary Clown Man, actually, I do *not* want your sprinkles. Thank you.

BRING ME THE HEAD OF STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!

Then be a dear and glue it to a cookie, won't you?

Purrrrfect.

'Course, the best designs are usually the ones that ignore the "man" shape altogether:

Not exactly what I had in mind when I asked for "Catwoman."


Ok, this is getting ridiculous.

Really ridiculous.

No, really REALLY ridiculous.

Death by poodle.

(Also, $2.19 for that? Really?)


Not sure what these blue things are, but boy are they appetizing!

Bwhahahahaa!

Just kidding.

Still, I ask you: what's wrong with the time-honored, classic gingerbread man design?

[snicker]

Actually, this one is pretty awesome, too.

But this - THIS - on the other hand:

This must be stopped.

Think of the hippos.

L.G., Jas D., Ginger G. (yes, really. Heheh.), Leah O., Sean R., Lauren A., Kim, John D., M.L.W., & Eyal, thanks for contributing to my collection! Now I just need a Valentines' one. (Hint hint.)

BREAKING NEWS

Michael Jackson is DEAD!!!!!

But he still somehow managed to release a new album this month called "Michael." Great. I'm a fully functioning human being that can't even remember to take out the trash, and this guy put out an album after being dead for a year and a half. (Does that make him a "working stiff"? Rim shot.) Anywhoozle, no better time than now to take a look back at some MJ classics.

This wreckorator was a smooth criminal to send this pretty young thing out the door:

Because "Triller" and "birthday night" go together like thumbless hand in glittery glove.

Remember the time...

...that Michael dressed up as Uncle Sam for the Thriller album cover? Neither do I. In fact I think the album originally looked something like this:

Note: I said, "something like this." Sans weird neck growth. On the bright side, they got the hand down the pants right. (Insert "Beat It" reference here.)

Ooooh, MJ cookie cakes. The way you make me feel is just....

...sad. And hungry. Mostly hungry. Kinda sad.

And this black and white cookie looks more like an ad for Soul Glo.

but it's nothing compared to this off the wall version of the King of Pop:

Yes, that's Michael Jackson, Armenian style. And it's bad. It's dangerous. It's dirty Diana.

Becca973, Mischa P., Jennifer D., Kimberly, Lila S., Felicity P., Shannon B., if you want to scream about all the MJ songs, you are not alone. But, I won't stop till I get enough. After all, it's human nature to like the man in the mirror... cause it's thriller... I like the Jackson 5. I'm out.

Sunday Sweets: Hanukkah Blues

Given that Hanukkah is traditionally celebrated with foods fried in oil, it's no wonder that Hanukkah cakes aren't terribly common. However, in honor of the occasion I've hunted down the best I could find, and then threw in some gorgeous wintry wonders, too.

Let's start with one of the best: a gorgeous hand-painted design by Dahlia's Custom Cakes:

WOW. Clean, modern, and vibrant. Love it.

I've given Wilton some good-natured grief before, but I've gotta hand it to them: this Hanukkah kids' cake is adorable!

Full instructions on how to make it yourself on the Wilton site here.

Some beautifully detailed cookies:

Made by Cookie Crumbs


And believe it or not, this menorah is actually made of royal icing:

By Cake Central member bankruptbaker

I know: I can hardly believe it, either! Just amazing.

That's the extent of the Hanukkah-specific Sweets I was able to find, but while searching I also found these fabulous winter-themed treats:

By Melissa of My Cake School

That snowman topper made me squee like a little girl. Or a very big geek. One of the two, anyway.


I am in awe of Dimitrana's skill. Not only are her cakes gorgeous on the outside:

Even the reindeer is handmade!

...her cakes are just as impressive inside:

Those are vertical cake layers, kids. I have no idea how she did it, but she claims instructions are somewhere on her blog. (And while you're there, check out her amazing acorn cookies!)


I'm loving this swirly snowflake topper:

By For The Love of Cake

Such a neat design: you can almost hear the wind whipping through the snow flurries.


And check out the sculpting on this one:

By Cakes By Roselyn

Ah, this restores my faith in the airbrush, right here. Beautiful.


A bit more subtle on the winter theme, but this piping work blows me away:

By Martha Stewart Weddings

If only I had hands that steady. And talent that...uh...talented.


Ok, and just one more from Dimitrana, because I can't help myself:

A cake candle! How cool is that?

And once again, there's a surprise inside: it's a giant jelly roll.

Well, once again, Happy Hanukkah, everyone! (Oh, and if you bakers could see your way to making more Hanukkah cakes, that'd really help me out. Yeeeeah. Thanks.)


Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweet [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Ice & Easy

Bakers, has this ever happened to you?

You took the order, and you KNOW they spelled it "Jesseie!" But now the rotten customer doesn't want it. Well, hold on!

Don't throw it out! Ice it out!

With new Ice•Out!

Just one swipe of Ice•Out and you'll go from this:

"What do you mean her name isn't 'Elibateh?'"

To this!

"It's like it was never there!"

Made a big mistake?

Ice it Out!


On a cookie cake?

Ice it Out!

And don't forget our Sprink-O-Flage kit to cover up those real doosies!

"Wow. Where'd the cake go? I can't even see it!!"


So remember, bakers, when you use Ice•Out:

It never happened.™

Order yours today!

Thanks to Jessie, Never2sad, Johanna M., Michelle, Erin M., Katie C and Vanessa S., who all prefer their Ice*Out in pink high gloss.

Happy Hanu...Channa...Festival of Lights!

It's Chanukkah, everybody! I can't believe you didn't remember! I mean, I've known for... uh, weeks and... weeks. [poker face] And, naturally, since I knew this day was coming well in advance, I've been saving all the best Hanukah wrecks for this very moment.

Like... um...this one:

Now, Jen's the one with the Jewish roots, but I believe this is called a "men-OR-ah."

What's that, Jen? It's not a Hannnukah cake? But...but... it's blue and white!

Fine.


Everyone knows that Hanuchah is the Festival of Lights. So, um, here's a candle:

As you can see, it's very Jewish.


And here we have the great patriarch Moses, crying over the fact that the oil has run out for the holy Jewish lamps:

(For some reason Jen isn't looking very happy right now. Hm. Well, better just keep going.)

Channikah lasts 8 nights, of course, and each night the Ghost of Chawnucahs Past visits all the good little Jewish children...

(Ow! Stop that, Jen, I'm on a roll!) ...bearing holy Jewish Dream Catchers:


And finally, while Jen is busy nursing that headache, let's end with a traditional Hawnuka cake from the great Jewess herself, Sandra Lee:



Yes, I believe those are plastic pearl beads.


Um, Jen's just gone apoplectic, but through the screeching I think I heard something about showing you the video of Sandra making this culinary delight, so you can judge for yourself. So, here 'tis:

Huh. Well, after watching this, all I can say is: thank goodness marshmallows are kosher.


[Update: That was sarcasm; marshmallows aren't kosher. Unless they are. In which case, they would be kosher. Those, however, aren't kosher. Glad we cleared that up.]

Now to all of our awesome Jewish readers - who have even awesomer senses of humor - have an amazing Hanukkah. Also, Jen says to say that she didn't teach me any of this stuff. (Aw. She's so humble.)

Elizabeth B., Allison P., Shannon B., Annie P., and Alex M., I don't know why but now I totally have Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.

And now you do, too.

It means no wo-rrieees... for the rest of your daaaaaays...

Wreck and Roll

Ever thought it was IMPOSSIBLE to have all of your favorite 80s hits in one place? That there was simply NO WAY to hear all of the hottest artists together in one jam-packed jam session? That you could ever only enjoy that much music in some magical world, where thousands of songs could easily fit on a lightweight portable device? Well, you're right. (That would be CRAZY.) So until then, we're offering you the musical deal of a lifetime!!

That's right, with the "Wreckin' Rock Power Mix," you'll never miss a beat. This colossal power-collection comes delivered to your doorstep in 6 dominating power-boxes of 23 LPs or 39 power cassette tapes. That's 846 power-hits!

We'll include the tastiest of licks, like:

"Writing on Sunshine"

"I'm writing on sunshine, whoa-oh! I'm writing on sunshine, whoa-oh! And I bet it tastes good! HeH! Alright now!"

"Love is a Battlefield"

"We are strong! No one can tell us pink's wrong!"

"Dancing on the Ceiling"

"Ooh, what a feeling! When you're dancing on the... seriously, did you notice that this cake was written on upside-down? Really... look at it again."

"Hungry Like the Wolf"

"Lost in the bakery, too pink to hide. I'll cause a toothache right when you take a bite.
Do do dooo do do doo do do doo do do doo do dooo dooooooo."

"She Blinded Me With Science"

"She blinded me with science (SCIENCE!) and failed me in the bakery."

"Tainted Love"

"Sometimes I feel I've got to uhn uhn run away. I've got to uhn uhn get away from all the cupcake cakes you sell to me..."

"Let's Get Physical"

"Crack that whip!"

...and more! You'll never find a more rocktastic compilation of all of the best artists from yesterday and beyond. And if you call now, we'll also include a FREE bonus 8-track cassette of all of the best songs from the 70s! These songs will blast your earholes into another sound dimension!!

"Lean on Me"

"Lean on me... when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you caaarry severaltiersofcakeandfrosting. Andpossiblysomeprincessflotsam!"

"I Melt With You"

"I'll stop the world and melt this food. You've seen the Cake Wrecks, and they're getting better all the time."

and "Crocodile Rock."

"I remember when rock was young. Me and Suzy had so much... DEAR GOD, what IS that thing!?? AAAAAAAgggGHGHH! EEeeeAAAAGHHH!!"

Call now!

Other artists include Emily W., Cassandra B., and Becky W. in the hot 80s trio "The Wreckinettes." Bonus tracks by Susan A., Megan P., Sarah A., and Annie H. from the popular ballad band "Susan and The Wreckies." And of course, no compilation album would be complete without the greatest hits of top rocker hair band, "Possum Wreck Slashers," with vocal styling from Jessica E., Amanda H., and Rachel C. Rock on!!