A Royal Affair

Like all of you, I am simply in a TIZZY waiting to see the royal wedding tomorrow. Or, more accurately, the royal wedding cake.

I mean, think about it: this is the cake that must end all cakes. It has to outshine, outdo, and outhouse every dream of every girl who has ever dreamed of being a princess! [sigh]

Plus, just imagine the unbelievable stress the poor bakers must be under at this very moment. The agony! The suspense! The weighty sense of impending doom, should their one shot at world-wide glory, fame, and adoration fail! BWAHAHAHAAAA!

Er...I mean...

Wishing you the best of luck, guys!

So, what do you think it'll be? Something colorful?

Something modern?

(And...drippy?)

Of course, whatever it is, you know it'll have to be an upstanding specimen...

...with just the right emphasis on the fact that they live in a castle, and you don't:

Hey, maybe it'll be inspired by Kate's wedding dress!

Or maybe it'll just show the couple's deep love and affection for one another:

("Pardon me, your lordship, but would you care for a slice of chocolate thigh?"

"Ruddy good, yes! Tally ho! What what!*")

Well, whatever the outcome tomorrow, I'm sure so long as the bakers don't give the happy couple the cold shoulder, they'll be fine.

O.0

Must. Stop. Staring at. Shoulder hock.

Many thanks to wreckporters Christin S., Gary & Brittany J., Melissa B., Kelli B., Amy E., Anna K., and Lou for today's joint efforts.


*Yes, I know all British people do not sound like this. But the really cool ones do.


Note from john: For some reason, the comment section is acting all wonky today so if you don't have a Google account, you can't leave a comment. With any luck, the Google Overlords will fix the problem soon. Wreck On!

Ghost Taunters

"Hello and welcome to Ghost Investigator Dudes. I'm Brad Johnson, a frat boy jock who isn't afraid of ANYTHING and enjoys taunting the afterlife by yelling challenges into empty cellars.

"With me are Joey..."

"Yo!"

"...and Mike."

"Yo!"

"Today we're here at the old Chattanooga asylum, where, like, a bunch of people died 'n stuff and we're totally gonna lock ourselves in all night and see what happens and film everything with shaky pocket infrared cameras and bad sound equipment.

"Awright, let's get started! So we're going down to the dungeons to...

"WHOA!!! Something touched me! Dude! Did you get that on camera?!?"

"No."

"Aw, dude."

(Geeet oooouuuut!!)

"Righteous. So, like, now we're going down into the kitchens where they kille..."

"WHOA!!! Did you see that?"

"No."

"There! In the corner! Were you filming?"

"Sorry, man, no - but I did feel a little cold just then."

"Duuude."

(No seeeeeriously. Geeeet oooouuuut!!!)

"Shyah. That was, like, almost totally spiritual. So, check it! The caretaker here says there's this dog? That's like a ghost? That haunts the library and kills people? So we should totally go there."

"Whoa!"

*beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeep*

"Did you *beeeep*'n see that?!?"

[camera swinging wildly, sound of scuffling feet]

*beeeeep*

"Dude, tell me you got that on tape!!"

"Sorry, bra. It was pointed at the floor."

"Whoa."

(I kill you!!)

"Ok, so, like, there's a wedding chapel in this asylum that's, like, totally haunted, right? And a bunch of people died there last week so, like, let's turn off all our lights and point our cameras at the floor."

[girlish shriek]

"DUDE! I saw something move!"

"Something walked by me!!"

"Someone's massaging my shoulders!!!"


(Well, hello there.)

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Thanks to Emily L., Jessica L., Leslie H., Urvashi, & Tama, but we still don't know what happened to André.

BREAKING NEWS

Michael Jackson is DEAD!!!!!

But he still somehow managed to release a new album this month called "Michael." Great. I'm a fully functioning human being that can't even remember to take out the trash, and this guy put out an album after being dead for a year and a half. (Does that make him a "working stiff"? Rim shot.) Anywhoozle, no better time than now to take a look back at some MJ classics.

This wreckorator was a smooth criminal to send this pretty young thing out the door:

Because "Triller" and "birthday night" go together like thumbless hand in glittery glove.

Remember the time...

...that Michael dressed up as Uncle Sam for the Thriller album cover? Neither do I. In fact I think the album originally looked something like this:

Note: I said, "something like this." Sans weird neck growth. On the bright side, they got the hand down the pants right. (Insert "Beat It" reference here.)

Ooooh, MJ cookie cakes. The way you make me feel is just....

...sad. And hungry. Mostly hungry. Kinda sad.

And this black and white cookie looks more like an ad for Soul Glo.

but it's nothing compared to this off the wall version of the King of Pop:

Yes, that's Michael Jackson, Armenian style. And it's bad. It's dangerous. It's dirty Diana.

Becca973, Mischa P., Jennifer D., Kimberly, Lila S., Felicity P., Shannon B., if you want to scream about all the MJ songs, you are not alone. But, I won't stop till I get enough. After all, it's human nature to like the man in the mirror... cause it's thriller... I like the Jackson 5. I'm out.