What's THAT Supposed to Mean?

Sometimes, when I'm really grumpy (wha-aat? Jen gets grumpy? Get OUT!) I like to amuse myself by taking every little thing John says exactly the wrong way.

John: "So, you want a sub for dinner?"

Me: "Why? 'Cuz I'm too FAT to have a burrito? Huh? Is *that* what you're saying?"

John: "No! I just thought you might be hungry!"

Me: "Oh, I see, because I'm ALWAYS hungry, right? RIGHT?!?"

John: [backing away slowly before sprinting from the room.]

It's loads of fun.

Anyway, I can only imagine how much fun this lady had:

"Start talking, mister, or you'll be looking for wife #2 real fast."

Buddy? Nope. Not anymore.

Here's one way to tackle a friend's hairy situation:

"Cynthia, sweetie, this is an intervention."
[starting electric razor] "Grab her, girls!!"

When your dad turns the big 4-0, you want a cake that shows not only just how much you love him, but also how much time, thought,and effort went into finding him juuust the right design:

"Hmm...this purse design is a little plain. Oh! I know! Do you have any of those plastic Cinderella slippers back there? Yes? PERFECT."

Or, if that doesn't do the trick:

"I had them add the arrow so you wouldn't miss the teeny tiny heart. See how small it is? How there's all that extra room it *could* have occupied? Yeah? Good. Just checking."

Hillary H., Kris, Cynthia P., Mark R., & Kjaere, I love you guys this much. Which is to say, enough to type your names here.